In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.” -Bill Cosby
Below is a photo of the last minutes of the viva. You can see the fatigue in my eyes. Chuckle.
December 13, 2022. Time 9 am Malaysian time, but 4 am Kenyan time! Today is the day I get to know my fate: Pass (without corrections- I wonder if anyone has ever achieved this; Pass with minor corrections; Pass with major corrections; Re-viva; Fail.
See, I am confident that I will make it, but anxiety still tags at the heart. My confidence stems from the fact that I have called on the name of the Lord. Paradoxical, isn’t it? I have taken God’s word to heart and spoken scripture back to Him. Has He not promised to grant me my heart’s desires? Well, this is one of them. Has He not promised to make me the head and not the tail? Well, no way am I, a child of God, going to be found in the re-viva, fail categories. Has He not promised me strength and told me to fear not because He will be with me? Well, I tell myself that God is Emmanuel, and therefore, I will not allow fear to rule my being.
My second confidence comes from the fact that I have prepared adequately for this session. I am not one to sit and let fear weigh me down. Instead, I visit websites that will help me be an overcomer during the viva. I even watch YouTube videos on how to survive a viva voce. Remember, I did mention that I have attended three sessions about how to ace the oral exam? Well, I go back and revisit those slides, and they are quite useful because I do ask myself questions to gauge how well-prepared I am, and I answer them well enough!
My third confidence stems from my preparations involving my thesis. Can I explain without desperately turning pages to read what I have written? If asked questions involving my study, from whichever page, am I able to respond confidently? See, in one of the sessions, we were told that an examiner can ask you to explain something from a particular page. Woe unto you if it’s clear to them that you have no clue about your own work. So, I have spent this last year reading and re-reading my thesis. I can tell you my problem statement, background, purpose, objectives, significance, theories, methodology, findings, and recommendations without reading and hesitation.
Fourth, my confidence comes from having the most wonderful, lovely supervisors. In short, when I grow up, I want to be like Prof. Norsiah and Prof Awan. The day before the oral exam, my supervisors hold a mock viva with me. I learn so much about what to do and what not to do; what to say and what not to say. This session greatly boosts my confidence and I feel I am ready for the exam.
During the mock viva with Prof. Awan and Prof Norsiah
Finally, I have never forgotten what my editor told me about the viva. While handing the work back to me I had asked him for tips about the viva. His response was in a few words: In a qualitative study, hold on to your philosophical assumptions, and no one will bother you since it’s your research. No one knows your study more than you do. So, whatever question comes your way, tackle it with the knowledge that you are in control.
Yet with all these, why does anxiety still tag at my heart? Maybe it is a natural process, after all. I tell myself that I will go to bed at 9 pm so that I can get up at 3 am and prepare for the viva. However, at 9 pm, I feel I have not read a certain section well enough. By 11 pm, I am still telling myself that I need to read my background and problem statement one last time. Finally, I convince myself that no amount of reading matters anymore, and that I should get myself some sleep, even if it’s for three hours. Ladies and gentlemen, I can truthfully report that I spend 2 hours tossing and turning, so I decide to wake up at 2 am, take a shower and just hang around my desk to wait for the virtual conference call.
In my prayers for the day, I tell God to make the process shorter. And He does!
These virtual undertakings can send you into a panic sometimes. The previous day, my Wi-Fi had failed me during the mock viva and I had sent countless emails to my service provider, actually telling them I had an upcoming viva voce and was not ready to entertain technology failure. I am grateful to God that on the day of my oral exam, the network is amazingly strong!
At the appointed hour, I log in, anxious as ever. Of course, the introductions are made, where I get to know the external examiner and Chair of the panel. I am already familiar with the internal examiner because he examined me at the proposal stage. The Chair then explains the viva process, followed by my 20-minute presentation using slides. After my presentation, I brace for tough questions. Bear in mind that I have listened to various people’s experiences and how much of a harrowing experience it has been for them. What the examiner says gladly surprises me:
“Anne, we have read and graded your thesis. It’s very good and has come a long way since the days of the proposal. We will not go the questions’ way. Instead, we will point out the areas we feel are weaker, so that you can strengthen them.”
Bingo! Pass! How else would you interpret that! I have witnessed the worry on candidate’s faces during a physical viva-when they are told to wait outside for the examiners to deliberate before they are called back inside. So, what do I do? With that heavy load lifted off my shoulders, I relax and get ready to capture the corrections.
At last, I am informed that I have passed with minor corrections. My smile is broad- I have come to the end of this particular journey after all. I am relieved. Exhilarated, but exhausted, sleepy. I am also informed that I must submit my corrections within three months.
And true to answered prayer, the session lasts slightly over one hour.
When my head hits the pillow two hours later, I sleep for ten straight hours. Reminds me of the ten straight hours I slept in Changlun due to jet lag, the first time I landed in Sintok to begin my PhD journey.
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